Conversations With My Toddler

Last night we were headed out to meet my in-laws for dinner. Husband, trying to beat a line of cars, pulled away from a stop sign really fast and sped down the road. 

Grant's reaction to this was "Hey! If the police (po'weece) catches you...um...um...he pulls you over! And...and...buys you a ticket!" 

Husband explained what the police actually do - I was laughing - and then for the rest of the trip to the restaurant Grant talked about police and firemen (we actually saw firetrucks) and what they do. 

The mind of a 3 year old is a very fun place :)

Conversations With My Toddler

We had salad with our dinner a couple times last week and I finely shredded the carrots that I put in there (bad decision - that has nothing to do with this but they just weren't as good like that). So Grant says:

Grant: Are there carrots in here?
Me: Yes, little ones. I made them too small this time.
Grant: Big carrots are for bunnies. We feed them big carrots. (There is a bunny at his school)
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Grant likes to watch me cook (and he helps when he can). Saturday he was watching me cook breakfast.

Grant: Oh you have cheese! Can I have a piece of cheese?
Me: You're going to have cheese on your eggs.
Grant: Can I have a piece...not on my eggs?
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This summer when we went to NY to visit my family, my Aunt Bonnie gave Grant a fish stuffed animal. He's pretty strict about the animals he sleeps with but saw his fish the other night and wanted it.

Grant: What's his name?
Me: I don't know. I guess we haven't given him one yet.
Grant: You name him.
Me: Why don't you name him? He's your fish.
Grant: No...ok. His name is...it's...he's Driver Spice.
*pause for confused look on my face*
Me: Why...is his name Driver Spice?
Grant: Well, because...because...hm. It just is.
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This is less conversation, more just funny. We were playing soccer in the living room Sunday but before we could play, Grant had to line up his softballs, baseballs, and basketball...not sure why. Husband asked what he was doing (since we weren't using those).
Grant said: "These are my balls."
*pause for immature giggling*
So the soccer begins and a wonky kick from me messes up the line of balls.
Grant yells: "OH MY BALLS! I gotta put my balls together!"
*more giggling*
More soccer. Then the balls get messed up again.
Grant yells: "OH MY BALLS! They're hurt!"
At that point, I decided to put away everything but the soccer ball. Otherwise I might never have stopped laughing.

Conversations With My Toddler

The other night on our way to dinner we passed a construction site. Grant pointed out all the equipment and then says...

Grant: Daddy. Daddy. Bull dozers are not really big. Bull dozers are not really big like you.

Husband *whispering to me*: He thinks I'm bigger than a bull dozer.

Grant *still just talking away*: Bull dozers are not really big like you. But I am. I'm getting tall. Like you Daddy.

That might be one of the cutest things he's ever said. Ever. That and telling me I looked like a princess when I put on the dress I wore for my sister-in-law's wedding. Man I love this kid! :)

Conversations With My Toddler: Dinner Time

Dinner time at our house is usually one of two things: frustrating or enjoyable. Sometimes it's nice and we all eat and talk and listen to Grant tell us what he did at school that. Sometimes, its less than nice because Grant eats at the table with us now (instead of a high chair) and is learning to eat without a bib. He gets distracted and food ends up anywhere except where it should be. It's not always funny.

Last night was funny. I made BLT's and some potatoes. Grant isn't a big sandwich fan in the traditional sense. He likes to pull them apart and eat them little by little. We always try to tell him "eat it like a sandwich" but he rarely does. Grant's was done first to cool down enough so he was already stationed at the table chowing down when Husband sat down.

Grant *to Husband*: "You need to let it cool down. It's too hot. Let it cool down."

Husband *waiting patiently for 30 seconds*: "Now?"

Grant: "No."

So Husband waits another minute or so and then picks up his BLT.

Grant *picking apart his BLT and then points at Husband*: "Hey. Hey. Eat it like a sammich."

This kid cracks me up!

Conversations With My Toddler: Husband Edition

I overheard this conversation between Grant and Husband last night while Grant was getting cleaned up...and Husband was cleaning out Grant's "undiewear". 

Grant: I have to have a bath tonight?

Husband: Yes. Because you pooped on yourself. You pooped in your pants.

Grant: I poop in my pants? (Like he was not aware this happened less than 5 minutes ago)

Husband: Yes. 

Grant: That's disgusting.

Admittedly, it took me a while to compose myself. I found Grant's end of that conversation absolutely hysterical. Husband, being the one to clean out the poopy underpants, did not seem quite as amused as I was.

Side note: Grant is basically potty trained as far as peeing goes. He even goes in the potty when we're out and about. Accidents are few and far between. We've even made some improvements in the "#2" department and are not quite so frustrated with it - despite this post :)

Conversations With My Toddler

Over the weekend on the way to our shopping excursion, I was exiting the interstate and I accidentally ran over the rumble strips for a minute. I looked behind me at Grant really quick with a dramatically shocked looked on my face thinking he'd be smiling.

Grant, clearly surprised: What was that?

Me: Was that funny?

Grant: No.

Me: I'm sorry.

Grant: Don't do it again.

Me: Did it scare you?

Grant: Don't do it again, Mama. You scared my butt! Don't scare my butt again!

Conversations With My Toddler

One morning while getting a very pissy Grant ready for school, he mumbled something I couldn't understand. I figured he was just mad about having his hair brushed...or because he was awake. But he mumbled it again.

"What did you say? I can't understand you." I said.

In the whiniest voice I've ever heard, Grant said "I like to move it move it."

I laughed hysterically. It totally made my morning. Husband heard and tried to say it like its supposed to sound but Grant wasn't having it.

He looked at his Daddy and said "Hey! That's MY favorite song!"

The above video from the movie Madagascar is where this new obsession came from. Grant actually calls the movie "Move It Move It".

Conversations With My Toddler

For Christmas, my friend Elizabeth got me this great book called "My Quotable Kid". It like a journal where I can write down all the crazy stuff Grant says. I absolutely LOVE the book and it's perfect because Grant keeps us in stitches with all the silliness that has been coming out of his mouth lately. A few of my favorite recent entries:

Last weekend Grant and I were going to run out to go shoe shopping because he needed some new sneakers. He was grabbing every toy in sight asking if he could bring it with us. I kept having to tell him no. Finally we managed to get out the door.
Grant: "We can't bring Daddy?"
Me: "No sweetie, Daddy is going to stay home and take a shower."
Grant: "He need take a shower?"
Me: "Yes, so he's going to stay home."
Grant: "And poop?"
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This one happened in the living room this past week while Nate and Grant were playing hockey together. Husband was sniffling.
Grant (to Nate): "You have booger nose?"
Nate: "Yup. I have boogers in my nose."
Grant (sticking his finger out): "Let me pick it."
Husband tells him no which of course just makes Grant resort to cramming his finger into his own nose. 
Grant (triumphantly pulling his finger out of his nose): "Ah! I DID IT!"

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Conversations With My Toddler

I seem to be having flare-ups of my undiagnosed but undeniable rheumatoid arthritis. It happens every so often and when it does...it's pretty much hell. It's a pain that I can't describe. But pressure helps a lot. So for my wrists, I have braces that I wear when I need them to get me through playtime with Grant and then to help me sleep too. Last week I was wearing one and Grant noticed it immediately.

He came over and lightly touched it.

Grant: You have boo-boo?

Me: Yes baby, I have a boo-boo. A big one.

Grant: A big one?

Me: Yup. Mama's whole body is a boo-boo.

Grant: Ok. Who did it?

Me: Karma. Karma did it.

Grant: Kah-ma?

He walks away very slowly and peeks behind the end table next to the couch. Then creeps over and looks behind the love seat.

Husband: You know he's looking for Karma, right?

He totally was.

Conversations With My Toddler

We let Grant play soccer, football, and baseball in the living room. I know what you're thinking...because we get nasty looks or eye-rolls whenever we tell people that. None of the balls we use are hard and while things have been knocked over, nothing has been broken (yet).

So one of these nights while we were playing, Grant picked up one of the balls and without looking launched it straight at me.

He nailed me in the face. 

I didn't get mad, it was obviously unintentional. But I did want him to know that he needs to be more careful and that he shouldn't hit people.

Me: Grant! That hit Mama in the face! What do you say?

Grant: Thank you.

Ha! In his defense, that is the answer I'm typically expecting when I ask that question. It just totally caught me off guard. And Husband too, who I could hear laughing in the kitchen then said "Did he just say thank you?!"

Conversations With My Toddler

I have always loved going to the grocery store. I could wander down the aisles forever...especially if I'm hungry. But I really love grocery shopping with Grant (at least, when he's happy). He's very entertaining and I can talk to him while we shop so I no longer look like the maniac who's talking to herself about what to have for dinner. Last week one day I picked him up from daycare and headed for a much needed grocery shopping trip. I swear I was shopping with the Tasmanian devil. Everything that came out of his mouth was yelled at the top of his lungs. He was extremely excited to be at the store.

It started when we were walking in and they had a pumpkin display with a huge spider.

Grant: "'PIDER! I SEE 'PIDER! YOU SEE 'PIDER?"
Me: "Yes, baby. I see the spider. Do you want to pick out a pumpkin?"
Grant: "YES! I WANT THAT ONE! THAT ONE! THAT ONE!" He yelled while running around the display.

So we find a great pumpkin (seriously, it's the perfect size and shape) and head inside for cart. Of course, he spies the race car cart and has to ride in one of those. I hate them because it's a little like driving an 18-wheeler down a one-way street...but I indulged him. He handled that steering wheel like a maniac and if I stopped I'd hear "PUSH IT! PUSH IT!"

While we're wandering around the store Grant would yell out the names of things he saw (and presumably wanted to eat) like he'd come down with a grocery store version of tourettes.

Grant: "CACKERS! CACKERS!"
Me: "Yup. Those are crackers..."
Grant: "I GET CACKERS?"
He got crackers.

Grant: "MILK! MILK! I SEE MILK! YOU SEE MILK?!"
Me: "Yup. Milk. See it."
Grant: "GET MILK!"
I needed it anyway.

Then he really went haywire while I was searching the eggs for a carton that had no broken ones. And of course, it was the busiest aisle in the store.

Grant: "MAMA! I POOPIN! I POOPIN MAMA!"
I knew for a fact he wasn't.
Me: "Shhhh. You pooped?"
Grant *nodding*: "YUP! I POOPIN!"
At this point every shopper in the aisle is staring at me like I should be running at break-neck speed for the bathroom.
Me: "I don't think you pooped. And maybe not so loud, ok?"
Grant *stage whispering*: "MAMA! I POOPIN! YOU POOPIN?"

So I find my eggs and make for the check out but not before Grant looks in the cart and suddenly remembers we have a pumpkin there.

Grant: "OH MY GOSH! PUNKIN! I SEE PUNKIN! MAMA! PUNKIN! YOU SEE PUNKIN?! MAMA WE HAVE PUNKIN!"

I'm going to say it was my least boring grocery shopping trip to date. Who says two year olds are terrible :)

Conversations With My Toddler

Beginning last Thursday evening, Grant was pretty sick with a cold. Coughing...up all night coughing...keeping us up all night. You get the picture. Sick enough for me to stay home from work Friday with him because he looked completely miserable. And it pretty much continued all weekend with some highs but mostly lows for the little man (Friday night/Saturday morning including a serious low that featured a vomiting episode around 2:30 a.m.)

Sunday brought much improvement and Grant was ready to get out for playtime. But it was cold and raining so that wasn't happening.

Grant: I need ride bike.

Me: It's cold and raining. And you're sick. You're not going out to ride your bike.

Grant: I need ride tactoo. [That's Grant-speak for tractor]

Me: It's cold and raining and you're sick. You're not going outside to ride anything.

At that point he seemed to realize he was losing the battle and let it go.

For a minute.

He walks over to me and announces: "I need ride...Brodie"

At this point my parenting skills waver slightly because I laughed at him. I know I'm supposed to give him a firm "No" and perhaps a toddler-appropriate lecture on why he can't ride the dog. But he's not a dumb kid and I am 99.9% sure it was a last ditch effort get me to give in to the tricycle or the tractor. Which, of course, didn't work. He knew he struck out and went in search of his truck toys. Silly guy :)

Making nice with Brodie at some point over the weeknd.
Brodie is a little skittish about Grant's affections so Grant put
his hand on Brodie's face and told him "It's ok. It's ok." SO CUTE!

Conversations With My Toddler

Grant likes to alert us to his bodily functions (which is part of why I think he is so ready for real potty training...he just won't). Like when he's grunting then looks up at us and says "I poopin'". Yeah...we know. But when he's done sometimes he lies about it because changing his diaper would mean 2-5 minutes away from tearing through the house like a madman.

One night last week this happened.

*Grant grunting*
Grant: Oh...I poopin.
Nate: Yeah. You ok, buddy?
Grant: Eeeee...yeah.
Nate: Grant, are you done pooping?
Grant: No.
Nate: I think you are. Can I change your diaper?
Grant: Yea.

*two minutes later Grant comes running in at warp speed*

Grant: MAMA! I did poop! I have new diaper.

He kills me.