Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Why Do You Ask, Two Dogs F-----g?

Three years ago today my Dad passed away. Last year I contemplated not writing about it and this year I did too. But it feels wrong not to say anything. And talking about my parents seems to help, so I do. Part of my reason for considering not writing these "anniversary" posts is because I have a hard time writing about my Dad so its just easy to say it's time to move on and stop acknowledging the day. I wasn't a "Daddy's girl" and neither was my sister. My Mom was always more of a parent than my Dad and I don't mean that with any disrespect, it's just how it was. 

Dad's death left unresolved issues. I either had to stew about them or get over them. I did both. I heard that one of Dad's reasons for not doing AA was because they make you apologize to people. But he did end up apologizing to some people and some have told me about it. I don't know how he picked out who got an apology but I still wonder why he said he was sorry to some people...but not to me. Maybe he didn't know how because there was a lot to be sorry for, maybe he wasn't sorry, maybe he didn't remember what there was to be sorry about. I was angry about it but only for a little while then it just kind of hurt. I'm more ok with it now, there isn't really a point. I have to make peace with it because, really, what's the alternative?

There is one thing that out-weighs all the unresolved issues: I miss him. A lot. Still. 

And I can't help but wonder what kind of relationship he'd have had with Grant. If he'd gotten the liver transplant. Would he have visited a lot? Maybe spend some holidays with us? Would Grant like to talk to him on the phone? Would he remember him and talk about him like he does some of our other NY family?

I talk to Grant about my parents but I don't think he really gets it yet. Its easier with my Mom because my mother-in-law is "Gramma" and since my Mom wanted to be called "Nana", that's what I call her with Grant so he sort of understands some. But my Dad always referenced himself as Grandpa. And that's what Grant calls both my father-in-law and my husband's this third, mysterious, unseen Grandpa just isn't on his radar right now. might be thinking: What's with that title? Or maybe you're not. But it's from my Dad's favorite joke. Any time someone said the words "two dogs" my Dad would say "Why do you ask?" Always. I'm pretty sure anyone outside the family didn't get it (and all of us in on the joke usually rolled our eyes). But now I think we all do it, it's like a reaction. Or at least think it. So for anyone who has no idea what that means or if you've ever thought "Huh??" when one of us responds that way, here is my Dad's favorite - wildly inappropriate, politically incorrect - joke (not exactly how my Dad told it but the punchline is there):
On a rainy day, a little Indian from a tribe goes to his chief and asks, "Chief, how do you name all the people of our tribe?"
The Chief replies, "Oh, it quite easy. When baby born, I look first thing I see moving in wilderness, and name baby just that."
"How so?" asks the Indian.
"Well," replies the Chief, "if I see coyote running in field, I name baby Running Coyote. If I see bull sit, I name baby Sitting Bull."
"Oh, I see now" says the Indian.
Then the Chief turns to the Indian and says, "Well, why do you ask, Two Dogs F-----g?" 
A little comic relief for your day, it would make my Dad happy :)

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