It’s been hard this year to find my Christmas spirit. It’s gotten more difficult every year over the past several years. Being honest, I’ll admit it’s because I moved. Christmas is never the same after you leave “home” no matter where you move to. Year after year, Christmas just doesn’t feel like it used to. This year should be different because its Grant’s first Christmas. But it’s also our first Christmas without my mom. My mom made Christmas. So that could be why I just can’t seem to find in me to be full of Christmas spirit 100% of the time.
I’ve been listening to Christmas music, watching Christmas movies (I love Elf!), and I’m finally putting up decorations around my house. But a wreath on the door and lights on the tree do not seem to make me any more excited than I was before they were there.
Maybe it’s because Christmas has become so commercialized. When I was a kid Christmas didn’t mean “I’m going to get presents”. And we didn’t ask for the things we knew our parents couldn’t afford. We looked forward to Christmas because it meant we got to help pick out and decorate the tree (which we got later in the month than most people because Dad always liked to keep the tree up until at least his birthday – the 30th). We got excited because Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Charlie, Nick, AJ, and Gram always came over on Christmas Eve. My mom would cook enough “poker food” for an army and we’d eat and sled and play cards. We’d watch what ever Christmas movies were on tv. After everyone had left Mom would let us open one present. Santa had dropped it off early. It was usually new PJs to wear that night. But now it seems like kids only care about Christmas because they’re going to get stuff. I’ve actually overheard conversations in the office about a kid who has asked for – is even expecting – a car for Christmas. And I don’t mean one that has a remote control. I used to feel guilty asking for a new Cabbage Patch doll when I’d just gotten one for my birthday! It seems like these days it’s all about how much something costs and not about family anymore. It can be discouraging.
But, even though it doesn’t seem so, I am trying to stay positive. It sometimes requires a lot of pep talks with myself. But this is a year for new traditions. I’m looking forward to getting up on Christmas morning and enjoying a yummy cup of coffee (with my sister who will be with us for the holiday) while I our breakfast cooks. Helping Grant open his presents (of which there are currently none) and trying to make him smile and be excited. And hopefully, in the years to come, I can make Christmas as special for Grant as my Mom did for me.
Some pictures from Christmas last year:
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It's dark but this is Mom's kitchen decked out for Christmas  The Christmas tree (at mom & dad's) |
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Mom and Aunt Bonnie  |
Tara,
ReplyDeleteI love this post...I'm sure this Christmas won't be easy without your mom. You'll make new family traditions with Grant! I'm sure your mom will have a huge smile on her face watching you in the "mommy" role this year! What a blessing! On December 26th when we wake up it's not what we got for Christmas, it's that we have a family to share it with. Love to you all, hope to see ya'll over the holiday!