Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I found out I was pregnant. Looking back, I probably knew (for at least a week) but I was in denial. We hadn't been trying long at all and my doctor had told me that it takes an average of 6 months but for some women even longer. Evidently, I'm quite fertile. Or lucky. Or both.

Our first ultrasound at almost 10 weeks. For most of
my pregnancy I lovingly called him "nugget".
 It was a nice time to find out something like that. A good Christmas surprise for us and the family. We decided to tell our families separately because I was going to be at my parent's house for Christmas. So I told my side of the family and Nate told his. We wanted to keep it a secret for a while because it was so early but by the time I was back in North Carolina everyone in upstate New York knew I was pregnant. I'm going to go ahead and blame that on my sister. Never tell her anything you don't want her to tell to the next person she sees. It usually goes something like this: "Hey, how are you? OMG, do you want to know a secret?!" Thanks Shauna.

So, the first thing I said to my mother was "You're not going to be in the delivery room". To which she replied "I don't want to be". Whew. I thought that was going to be a much worse conversation. Nate and I had talked about it and I told him that he was the only person I was comfortable having with me. And if he couldn't be there then Elizabeth would be next on my list. And if neither of them could make it then I was flying solo (well, except the nurses and doctor). I firmly believe that is something that should be shared only by a husband and wife and that no one should intrude on that time unless they are asked.

I found out I was pregnant four months after my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer. And I just knew that she had to be ok. As badly as I had wanted to have a baby, I think she wanted it just as much. There was no way she wasn't going to see this baby. So, when we found out that the doctors had done all they could and that she was going home with hospice care I was beside myself. I actually said "What a horrible time to be having a baby". But I was wrong. I will never forget the absolute joy on my mother's face when I told her I was pregnant. And the smile on her face when she got to put her hands on my belly and I'm so glad she got to do that. We all needed Grant. He was the happiness that we all had to look forward to after so much sadness.

Some days it feels like this past year has just flown by and other days that evening last December feels like a million years ago. I've learned a lot in year (but not nearly as much as I'm going to learn!)

This past year I learned:

  • To love my body (but I can still be critical of myself)
  • That I shouldn’t be embarrassed if I can’t stop myself from crying
  • How to laugh when you get peed or pooped on (but not always)
  • That I’m horrible at time-management
  • Maternity clothes make great Thanksgiving attire
  • That people will judge you but it makes me try harder not to judge them
  • How to catch pee in a little cup so it doesn’t get in the bath water
  • My baby's smile can make any day better

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